How To Save A Strained Relationship

Below is a continuation of the post Journey Back To The Source)

How do I handle racism and bullying? I am victimized. How do I handle this?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

First of all get out of this victim consciousness. When you feel you are a victim, you keep looking for a culprit, and you get so upset. You will pity yourself, and one needs to get out of this.

In this world, there are good people and there are bad people as well. I would say, the bad people are also actually good people. Goodness is hidden in the bad people also. It is just veiled and covered by ignorance.

I am not saying not to fight injustice. Take a strong step to fight injustice. Also, you cannot fight injustice alone. You need to gather people and bring them together to fight injustice. If you want to fight injustice then you must. But fight it out with a deep sense of peace and confidence inside.Knowledge will give you that peace and much-needed confidence to fight injustice with an unshakeable smile.
See, if you lose your temper and become angry, you become weak. It drains your energy. Anger drains your energy ten times more. Hatred drains the energy much more than anger does. Anger and hatred make you weak, and then you lose the energy to fight.
To fight, you need strength and strength can only come through centeredness and inner peace. That is the whole message of the Bhagavad Gita.
Lord Krishna says, “You fight, but after finding your inner peace, after getting out of your cravings and aversions. Fight for justice”.

I am not saying that you should bow down to injustice and just take the lies in the world. No, not at all. We should never bow down to injustice, lies (falsehood), and deceit. We definitely should stand up against it, but not with anger, arrogance or with a disturbed mind. We should do so with a firm mind and steady resolution.

Why do people get into bad habits such as smoking and drinking alcohol? How can we make them realize the importance of sadhana, seva and satsang?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

See, people feel some lack or vacuum in their life, as if something is missing. To fill that gap, people try to forget themselves by latching on to intoxicants. You simply have to tell them that you can give them a better intoxicant, a much higher brand of intoxication (here meaning sadhana, satsang and seva).

Tell them to just come here to the Ashram and meditate. Ask them to do the Sudarshan Kriya, and to attend Satsang. The intoxication these practices give you does not come at the cost of your health, rather it improves your health, your state of mind and there are absolutely no side effects because of it. There are no hangovers due to this. Promise them this, and trick them to somehow come and attend the programs and satsang.

How can I build a happy and successful relationship with my husband so that the relationship remains constant?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

First of all, do not go after building a successful and happy relationship. Take it for granted that your relationship is already happy and successful. That is because the moment you want to build something, you start behaving unnaturally. You are not yourself. Got it?
Be aware, and don’t try to build a nice relationship. In thinking or doing so, you think that there is no relationship, or you think that the relationship is not good to begin with. No, first of all, you must simply assume that you have a very good relationship.

You must assume that you have 100% understanding. Whenever you think you lack understanding, or the other person does not understand you, then also you are making the gap wider. Trying to explain this also does not work. How many of you have had this experience? Raise your hands. (Many in the audience raise their hands).

Whenever you think that the relationship is strained and that you need to start all over again to build it into a happy one, it will not work. Be natural, be kind, be loving, be good. Do not step on the ego of your husband, and do not demand from him to express his love. If you keep these few things in mind, your relationship will be fine. Do not go on questioning your spouse, “Do you really love me? You do not love me. These days you do not look at me”.
Even if someone is in love with you, they wonder, “Oh my God! How can I convince this person that I love them?” You are putting a burden on their head to prove their love to you.

Just imagine yourself in their situation. How would you feel if someone doubts your love for them, and you have to make an extra effort to make them believe that you love them? Is it not a burden? How many of you think it is a burden? (Many in the audience raise their hands).
My goodness! When you feel it is a burden to prove your love to others, why do you put others in a position for them to prove their love to you? You should not ask these questions at all. Do not question each other’s love, commitment and integrity. We must never question someone else’s love, commitment and integrity.

I experience some pain in the body after coming out of meditation. What can I do? Please advise.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

Well, you need not worry much about this. Experiences keep changing all the time. Every time you meditate, what happens is that the structure of the brain changes. The grey matter in the brain increases when you meditate. A lot of good things happen when you meditate. The toxins in the body come out; many stresses get released. Stress can be in structural or chemical form. That is why after meditation, it is good to do a little Nadi Shodhan Pranayama (Alternate Nostril Breathing Pranayama). You should also drink plenty of water and fluids. That will also help.

What is the significance of the Birth and Death process? I do not feel anything after doing the process.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

That is alright. See, some of you would feel something or have an experience in some process, some of you may have an experience in another process. Everybody will get something somewhere. It is because your mind is so tricky, it is stuck in so many avenues and areas. In this four day Advanced Meditation Program, we know exactly where to unlock it; where to release it, and which are the areas the mind is stuck in. So that will happen eventually, you just relax and let it happen.

You do not need to judge every process or experience. You need not think, “Oh, is something happening to me or not?”
You just be innocent and relax. There is a saying, “Bhole bhaav miley Raghurai”. It means that when we are in an innocent state of mind, the eternity comes in your grip. It means that innocence can capture that which is eternal.
Do not go on examining all the time, thinking, “Oh, is something happening to me now or not?” Doing that examination every moment will be a hindrance to the experience. Experience will happen by simply following the procedure (meaning without much analysis or examination). After the experience, you can analyse and think about it and ask questions. I am not saying that you should not ask questions about it. You should ask questions, but do not go on examining and poking into the experience by asking questions, before the experience happens.